A Moment I Will Never Forget

I have no doubts of God’s existence.  I am, and will forever be, faithful.

I recently had another very major surgery.  With this surgery came the possibility of several outcomes. I barely remember going into the surgical room, or being in recovery, and I guess that is best.  I do remember praying for the doctors and nurses before I went in.  I also remember what happened when I got out and was being settled in my room in the hospital intensive care unit.  This I will never forget. 

I was getting settled in my bed.  The nurses were hooking me up to all kinds of apparatus.  I could hear them, and I could see them.  I could see them, not because I had my eyes open, but because I was hovering above my body, looking down on myself.  I realized I was at a crossing, somewhat of a short wall, and next to me was a kind, gentle man. He was watching with me.  I did not know who it was then, but I do now.   

The man and I looked down upon the action in my room, and on me.  I felt so tired.  I just wanted to be asleep.  I told the man that I was ready to go, that I was not afraid, and that I was at peace.  I will never forget what he said.  He told me that it is not my time, and that I needed to be strong, and go back. 

As I came back into my body I started focusing in on the commotion around me, and realized I had just met God.  God directly told me to go back and to be strong, that it was not my time.  It is a moment I will never forget.

Patience

I have recently been praying for patience.  After having undergone another surgery at the end of September, 2012, I have had to limit my activity until cleared by my doctor.  I am currently only cleared to walk, and lift no more than 15# (originally it was 10#). These limitations are things I am not use to.  After my first surgery, there were limitations imposed, but they were lifted sooner.  My doctor is being cautious, and as I respect his wishes, I have had to learn to be patient.

This is also especially difficult when so much of the activity I do in CrossFit is done for time or for max number of rounds in a specific time frame.  The clock starts and I go as fast as I can.  There is literally no time for patience in CrossFit. 

So I have been praying for patience.  I have been asking for God’s help in getting me through this trying time, while I await my doctor’s clearance.  And while doing this, I have been using my restrictions to my advantage, as best I know how.  I have been walking further and faster with each walk I embark on.  It has become a challenge to walk my mile faster and faster, without running or jogging.  I also have been working on the technique of my Olympic lifting, using a 15# bar.  I am not allowed to go fast or lift heavy, so I do what I am allowed to do.  And I pray for patience.

The other day, before I started my morning prayers, I was contemplating patience, and how I was going to manage being patient, and if I could be patient.  I opened my daily devotional to start my prayers and the first thing I read was a verse I knew and had used during very difficult times – during radiation and MRIs, when I had to be totally still, calm, and patient.  I prayed around this verse, asking for God’s help during these times.  The verse was “The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still” EXODUS 14:14 (NIV).  Tears started to flow from my eyes as I realized that this was the answer to being patient.  God had given it to me when I needed it most during my MRIs and radiation treatments, and He reminded me of it again this day.  He will fight for me and I need only be still. Be still.  Be patient.