A Moment I Will Never Forget

I have no doubts of God’s existence.  I am, and will forever be, faithful.

I recently had another very major surgery.  With this surgery came the possibility of several outcomes. I barely remember going into the surgical room, or being in recovery, and I guess that is best.  I do remember praying for the doctors and nurses before I went in.  I also remember what happened when I got out and was being settled in my room in the hospital intensive care unit.  This I will never forget. 

I was getting settled in my bed.  The nurses were hooking me up to all kinds of apparatus.  I could hear them, and I could see them.  I could see them, not because I had my eyes open, but because I was hovering above my body, looking down on myself.  I realized I was at a crossing, somewhat of a short wall, and next to me was a kind, gentle man. He was watching with me.  I did not know who it was then, but I do now.   

The man and I looked down upon the action in my room, and on me.  I felt so tired.  I just wanted to be asleep.  I told the man that I was ready to go, that I was not afraid, and that I was at peace.  I will never forget what he said.  He told me that it is not my time, and that I needed to be strong, and go back. 

As I came back into my body I started focusing in on the commotion around me, and realized I had just met God.  God directly told me to go back and to be strong, that it was not my time.  It is a moment I will never forget.

Patience

I have recently been praying for patience.  After having undergone another surgery at the end of September, 2012, I have had to limit my activity until cleared by my doctor.  I am currently only cleared to walk, and lift no more than 15# (originally it was 10#). These limitations are things I am not use to.  After my first surgery, there were limitations imposed, but they were lifted sooner.  My doctor is being cautious, and as I respect his wishes, I have had to learn to be patient.

This is also especially difficult when so much of the activity I do in CrossFit is done for time or for max number of rounds in a specific time frame.  The clock starts and I go as fast as I can.  There is literally no time for patience in CrossFit. 

So I have been praying for patience.  I have been asking for God’s help in getting me through this trying time, while I await my doctor’s clearance.  And while doing this, I have been using my restrictions to my advantage, as best I know how.  I have been walking further and faster with each walk I embark on.  It has become a challenge to walk my mile faster and faster, without running or jogging.  I also have been working on the technique of my Olympic lifting, using a 15# bar.  I am not allowed to go fast or lift heavy, so I do what I am allowed to do.  And I pray for patience.

The other day, before I started my morning prayers, I was contemplating patience, and how I was going to manage being patient, and if I could be patient.  I opened my daily devotional to start my prayers and the first thing I read was a verse I knew and had used during very difficult times – during radiation and MRIs, when I had to be totally still, calm, and patient.  I prayed around this verse, asking for God’s help during these times.  The verse was “The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still” EXODUS 14:14 (NIV).  Tears started to flow from my eyes as I realized that this was the answer to being patient.  God had given it to me when I needed it most during my MRIs and radiation treatments, and He reminded me of it again this day.  He will fight for me and I need only be still. Be still.  Be patient.

Deacon Jim

One Sunday after church I stopped to tell Deacon Jim that his words this day really struck a chord with me. I can no longer remember what they were, I only remember our conversation.
 
I thanked him for his prayers and for being a part of my most recent anointment with the oil for the infirmed. I then told him that my MRI had come back clear. I now know the conversation that followed was no coincidence.

Deacon Jim responded with, “I haven’t had one of those in 10 years. But I had them for 20 years”. I asked him for clarification, “You had MRIs for 20 years”? He confirmed this, and I then asked if he would mind if I asked why he had MRIs for 20 years. He shared his story.

He had a brain tumor, which was surgically removed. The MRIs were to ensure it did not come back. After 20 years they stopped testing Deacon Jim. It has now been 30 years since his tumor was removed.

I believe that Deacon Jim was put in my life as a symbol of hope. This conversation with Deacon Jim happened about two months ago. But only today, as I write down what transpired, am I able to recognize the significance. I don’t have another MRI for several weeks, and my treatments ended in June. I have moments when I get scared because my monitoring is not as frequent as it had been. Deacon Jim’s story gives me hope, and in this hope I find strength. As I said, it is not a coincidence that this happened.
 
“Thank You, God, for giving me Deacon Jim, as a symbol of hope and Your love”.

Holy Thursday

Today is Holy Thursday. It is April 5, 2012. About two weeks ago (3rd week of March), I was going through my church bulletin, marking my calendar with things that I wanted to ensure I kept room for. I marked the Stations of the Cross service I wanted to go to, the Palm Sunday service, Good Friday, and Easter Sunday. I also marked Holy Thursday, the Thursday before Good Friday, not really knowing what it was or what I would do that day. But I knew it was significant, so I marked it on the calendar. I later asked my father, and he said that we would not be doing anything that day, that it was not like Easter or Good Friday or Palm Sunday.

On Palm Sunday, the Sunday before Easter, we were at church and the Priest asked if he could speak with us after Mass. We stayed after to speak with him. He told us that on Holy Thursday the church would be getting the Holy oils, blessed by the Bishop. He said that this year they would be receiving the anointing oil for the sick. He asked if I would carry it in ceremoniously, as a part of the service. He said that he has not seen God work so miraculously, as he has seen Him work in me. And since the Church has been behind me on my journey and he has personally anointed me with the oil for the sick, he thought it appropriate for me to carry in the new oil. I was so honored to have been asked.

Now I know why I wrote Holy Thursday on my calendar – to ensure I saved room to carry the Holy oil into the church. About two weeks before being asked I wrote it, not knowing what I would be doing. A week to 10 days after I wrote it, I was asked to be a part of a very meaningful service. This must have been God’s plan. I cried as 2 and 2 became 4. I wrote it in my calendar to save room for God’s plan for me – to carry in the Holy oil. The priest’s eyes welled up as I explained it to him.

As my dad and I drove off something else occurred to me. Holy Thursday, the day I unknowingly set aside to carry the Holy oil, is also the one-year anniversary of my brain cancer surgery. On this one-year anniversary day, God called me to be present. From almost 2 weeks prior, he made it known that he wanted my participation. It was His plan all along. I only needed to be open to it, to write it on my calendar without knowing why or what.

And as I thought more, something else occurred to me. Lately, during my morning prayers, I had been asking God for a sign that He is still with me on this journey. I don’t think He could have given me a more obvious sign. God is with me, and I am so blessed.

God Speaking To Me

The sermon/message at Mass on Sunday, July 10 was about nurturing seeds of faith and they will grow abundantly. And as your faith grows and you put your trust in God, things happen.

The priest began listing possible things... Like “You get the job you've wanted, or you find out you're pregnant after a long time of trying, or... The doctor tells you that you are cancer free.”

I immediately started to cry. And I am crying as I revisit it now. It was as if it was directed to me -- that God was speaking through him to me.

Two days later, on July 12, I had my first MRI and meeting with the doctor, since completing radiation and taking 23 days off all treatments. The doctor came in and said, “Everything looks great. Your MRI is clear”.

Lourdes Prayer

I have to tell you something that happened to me today as well. There have been a few moments during this journey that have been miraculous.

Every day I say a series of prayers. One is a prayer to our Lady of Lourdes for healing. It is in a card that has me enrolled in a healing mass at the Sacred Grotto in Lourdes, France, as well as at the National Shrine of Our Lady of the Snows, in Belleville, Illinois. A friend of my father enrolled me.

In the card, across from the prayer, is a Bible verse. I have not read it much, other than when I first received the card. I focus on the actual prayer. For some reason, today I read it. It says, “Thus says the Lord…”I have heard your prater and seen your tears. I will heal you.”” (Isaiah 38:5). It brought tears to my eyes. The timing was amazing, and the fact that I read it was far from coincidental. This is not the first time something like this has happened.

Comfort

On May 28, I prayed my Rosary around 10-11am. This was the first time I have ever prayed the Rosary. It was a really good experience.

Afterwards, I was doing things around the house, putting away laundry, puttering around, etc.

It was at least an hour after praying the Rosary, I was walking across the living room and I had this overwhelming feeling of comfort, or more like being comforted. All of a sudden I felt safe, secure and comforted. I knew I was being watched over. I felt strongly that I was going to be healed. It was an amazing feeling. The feeling of comfort, safety and security is something I have never felt before. I am so blessed.